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Miranda Mary Piker
A character who was supposed to appear in the original book but was removed from the final version, Miranda Piker was the sixth Golden Ticket winner. Until the tour of Wonka's factory, she was a prissy, rude, beastly girl who believed that children should never play but always do schoolwork instead, as well as never get days off or vacations from school (a belief shared by her father, who is a headmaster/principal of a prestigious school that she likely attends). She and her father end up presumably killed in the Spotty Powder mixer (her scream is presumably heard along with her father's), but she actually laughs, revealing the "death" to be surviving. Wonka leads her mother into a boiler room where she may be located, and the Oompa Loompas sing another song about how repulsive Miranda is. She may be from a rich family, like fellow tour group member Veruca Salt, as her father is paid a lot of money as a school principal. Miranda's departure, gory or not, was also supposed to come after Mike Teavee's (though Veruca Salt also appears in an illustration of her deleted chapter). As the "Spotty Powder" chapter is the only chapter published with the character in it, not much else is known about her, like how she obtains her Golden Ticket or the way she treats the other tour group members. She is described by Dahl as "a horrid little girl who was disgustingly rude to her parents and also thoroughly disobedient". Her full name, as stated by the Oompa Loompas in their short song about her (phoney) death, is Miranda Mary Piker. Appearances Spotty Powder "This stuff," said Mr Wonka, "is going to cause chaos in schools all over the world when I get it in the shops." The room they now entered had rows and rows of pipes coming straight up out of the floor. The pipes were bent over at the top and they looked like large walking sticks. Out of every pipe there trickled a stream of white crystals. Hundreds of Oompa-Loompas were running to and fro, catching the crystals in little golden boxes and stacking the boxes against the walls. "Spotty Powder!" exclaimed Mr Wonka, beaming at the company. "There it is! That's it! Fantastic stuff!" "It looks like sugar," said Miranda Piker. "It's meant to look like sugar," Mr Wonka said. "And it tastes like sugar. But it isn't sugar. Oh, dear me, no." "Then what is it?" asked Miranda Piker, speaking rather rudely. "That door over there," said Mr Wonka, turning away from Miranda and pointing to a small red door at the far end of the room, "leads directly down to the machine that makes the powder. Twice a day, I go down there myself to feed it. But I'm the only one. Nobody ever comes with me." They all stared at the little door on which it said MOST SECRET - KEEP OUT. The hum and throb of powerful machinery could be heard coming up from the depths below, and the floor itself was vibrating all the time. The children could feel it through the soles of their shoes. Miranda Piker now pushed forward and stood in front of Mr Wonka. She was a nasty-looking girl with a smug face and a smirk on her mouth, and whenever she spoke it was always with a voice that seemed to be saying: "Everybody is a fool except me." "OK," Miranda Piker said, smirking at Mr Wonka. "So what's the big news? What's this stuff meant to do when you eat it?" "Ah-ha," said Mr Wonka, his eyes sparkling with glee. "You'd never guess that, not in a million years. Now listen. All you have to do is sprinkle it over your cereal at breakfast-time, pretending it's sugar. Then you eat it. And then, exactly five seconds after that, you come out in bright red spots all over your face and neck." "What sort of a silly ass wants spots on his face at breakfast-time?" said Miranda Piker. "Let me finish," said Mr Wonka. "So then your mother looks at you across the table and says, 'My poor child. You must have chickenpox. You can't possibly go to school today.' So you stay at home. But by lunch-time, the spots have all disappeared." "Terrific!" shouted Charlie. "That's just what I want for the day we have exams!" "That is the ideal time to use it," said Mr Wonka. "But you mustn't do it too often or it'll give the game away. Keep it for the really nasty days." "Father!" cried Miranda Piker. "Did you hear what this stuff does? It's shocking! It mustn't be allowed!" Mr Piker, Miranda's father, stepped forward and faced Mr Wonka. He had a smooth white face like a boiled onion. "Now see here, Wonka," he said. "I happen to be the headmaster of a large school, and I won't allow you to sell this rubbish to the children! It's...criminal! Why, you'll ruin the school system of the entire country!" "I hope so," said Mr Wonka. "It's got to be stopped!" shouted Mr Piker, waving his cane. "Who's going to stop it?" asked Mr Wonka. "In my factory, I make things to please children. I don't care about grown-ups." "I am top of my form," Miranda Piker said, smirking at Mr Wonka. "And I've never missed a day's school in my life." "Then it's time you did," Mr Wonka said. "How dare you!" said Mr Piker. "All holidays and vacations should be stopped!" cried Miranda. "Children are meant to work, not play." "Quite right, my girl," cried Mr Piker, patting Miranda on the top of the head. "All work and no play has made you what you are today." "Isn't she wonderful?" said Mrs Piker, beaming at her daughter. "Come on then, Father!" cried Miranda. "Let's go down into the cellar and smash the machine that makes this dreadful stuff!" "Forward!" shouted Mr Piker, brandishing his cane and making a dash for the little red door on which it said MOST SECRET - KEEP OUT. "Stop!" said Mr Wonka. "Don't go in there! It's terribly secret!" "Let's see you stop us, you old goat!" shouted Miranda. "We'll smash it to smithereens!" yelled Mr Piker. And a few seconds later the two of them had disappeared through the door. There was a moment's silence. Then, far off in the distance, from somewhere deep underground, there came a fearful scream. "That's my husband!" cried Mrs Piker, going blue in the face. There was another scream. "And that's Miranda!" yelled Mrs Piker, beginning to hop around in circles. "What's happening to them? What have you got down there, you dreadful beast?" "Oh, nothing much," Mr Wonka answered. "Just a lot of cogs and wheels and chains and things like that, all going round and round and round." "You villain!" she screamed. "I know your tricks! You're grinding them into powder! In two minutes my darling Miranda will come pouring out of one of those dreadful pipes, and so will my husband!" "Of course," said Mr Wonka. "That's part of the recipe." "It's what!" "We've got to use one or two schoolmasters occasionally or it wouldn't work." "Did you hear him?" shrieked Mrs Piker, turning to the others. "He admits it! He's nothing but a cold-blooded murderer!" Mr Wonka smiled and patted Mrs Piker gently on the arm. "Dear lady," he said, "I was only joking." "Then why did they scream?" snapped Mrs Piker. "I distinctly heard them scream!" "Those weren't screams," Mr Wonka said. "They were laughs." "My husband never laughs," said Mrs Piker. Mr Wonka flicked his fingers, and up came an Oompa-Loompa. "Kindly escort Mrs Piker to the boiler room," Mr Wonka said. "Don't fret, dear lady," he went on, shaking Mrs Piker warmly by the hand. "They'll all come out in the wash. There's nothing to worry about. Off you go. Thank you for coming. Farewell! Goodbye! A pleasure to meet you!" "Listen, Charlie!" said Grandpa Joe. "The Oompa-Loompas are starting to sing again!" "Oh, Miranda Mary Piker!" sang the five Oompa-Loompas dancing about and laughing and beating madly on their tiny drums. "Oh, Miranda Mary Piker, How could anybody like her, Such a priggish and revolting little kid. So we said, 'Why don't we fix her In the Spotty-Powder mixer Then we're bound to like her better than we did.' Soon this child who is so vicious Will have gotten quite delicious, And her classmates will have surely understood That instead of saying, 'Miranda! Oh, the beast! We cannot stand her!' They'll be saying, 'Oh, how useful and how good!'" In another draft, she was the opposite: not so strict and not into school all that much. In this draft, her death was her swimming in the chocolate river, before being sent to the Peanut Brittle Mixer. Read more on the story here Personality and Traits Miranda is prissy, rude, and disobedient. Behind the Scenes Although Quentin Blake has drawn Miranda in an illustration for the deleted chapter (revealing her to be a girl with long brunette hair tied in braided pigtails and wearing glasses and a school uniform), this sketch by Lauren Child shows her with short and straight brunette hair, wearing no spectacles, and wearing a Catholic school-styled school uniform with long sleeves (as it is wintertime in the book). Her father is an obese-looking man with a bald head and tiny glasses, and her mother is a woman with brunette hair; these are, however, only Quentin Blake interpretations of Miranda and her parents. Another discarded idea was that Wonka was working on a candy that would cause one day of sickness so that children could have time off from school, infuriating Miranda Piker and her father. But Dahl decided against it. Such idea could be used by the Oompa-Loompas to shirk their duties, but more importantly, Dahl wished for the story to show nasty traits of children and it seems counterintuitive for Willy Wonka to be encouraging bad behavior himself. While Charlie Bucket was certainly not like Miranda Piker, he was an earnest student who took his responsibilities seriously. Song "Oh, Miranda Mary Piker, How could anybody like her, Such a rude and disobedient little kid, So we said why don't we fix her In the Peanut-Brittle Mixer, Then we're sure to like her better than we did. Soon this girl who was so vicious Will have gotten quite delicious And her parents will have surely understood That instead of saying, 'Miranda, 'Oh the beast we cannot stand her!' They'll be saying, 'Oh, how tasty and how good!'" Trivia Miranda's departure was supposed to come directly after Augustus Gloop's. In the Spotty Powder version, it is never stated how many children were left when Miranda Mary Piker had her exit. However, as stated above, the chocolate river version of Miranda Mary Piker left the tour right after Augustus Gloop. Category:Villains Category:Characters Category:Willy Wonka characters Category:Anti-villains Category:Female characters Category:Excluded characters Category:Females Category:Individuals Category:Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory Category:Charlie and the Chocolate Factory